i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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