dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
In America we eat man semen.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
