did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
