I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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