Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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