I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
whose parrot is this?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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