Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
