also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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