There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
