grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Two words: nipple clamps
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