I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
