Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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