Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(770): View more from Georgia

I just barfed on his mom.

(404): View more from Georgia

You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.

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(503): View more from Oregon

My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"

Fav 12 920 5583
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(206): View more from Washington

He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look

Fav 17 5132 1815
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(919): View more from North Carolina

so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?

Fav 40 1994 6097
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(501): View more from Arkansas

At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening

Fav 11 3429 2113
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(250): View more from British Columbia

He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...

Fav 15 6104 1797
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(219): View more from Indiana

about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?

(219): View more from Indiana

yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?

Fav 5 2624 983
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(207): View more from Maine

I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head

Fav 1 54 16
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(702): View more from Nevada

I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex

Fav 0 86 9
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