She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
