i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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