oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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