Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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