I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
