I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
