My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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