It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He shit in the fireplace
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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