Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
