The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
