To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
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I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
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We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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