She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
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Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
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Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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