i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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