I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
