I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
