living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
