I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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