two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
