Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
