I didn't shave. On purpose
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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