Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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