I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
