I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
