i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I supernannyed him into submission
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize