He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
