Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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