so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
