i don't like sucking hair
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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