something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
