Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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