the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
