my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
