How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
only if we run a train.
done.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
