I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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