is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
