Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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