There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
