sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
