Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
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I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
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my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize