can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
