He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
