You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
