last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
