Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
