i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
