i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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