I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
