she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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