is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
How naked do you want me to be?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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