just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
