I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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