btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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