Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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