I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
