Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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